Coping during the holidays – some tips from an acupuncturist

A candle flame with blurred holiday lights.

The holidays are here!

Festivities! Gatherings! Merriment! If this excitement engenders dread, keep reading. It’s ok if you’re feeling more humbug than merry this year. The holiday season can be overwhelming when you don’t feel like celebrating your cousin’s pregnancy announcement or responding to prying questions about when you are going to have kids or how treatment is going.  

You are not alone.

The holidays can suck when you are trying to conceive for a multitude of reasons, but first and foremost, they can amplify the sense of loss and pain from infertility. Many events center children, which can be difficult when facing fertility challenges. A loving and caring compassion for oneself provides a vast space for all feelings. It also can extend you the permission to care for yourself in unexpected ways. Here are some brief reminders of how you can support yourself.

Caring for yourself is not selfish.

Caring for yourself is a compassionate act of self-preservation. You don’t have to force yourself to match the ‘festive energy’ if you don’t want to. It can be exhausting to wear a happy face when you feel like you are dying inside. Take a moment to self-assess. How am I feeling right now? Is this taking a lot of effort to be here? Am I enjoying this? Listen to yourself when it’s telling you that you need a break. Some ways your body might tell you it needs a break are:

-your mood has changed during an event

-your mouth feels dry

-you feel tightness in your throat, neck, shoulders, chest, diaphragm, abdomen or anywhere in your body

-you feel knots in your stomach

-your bowel habits suddenly change

-you’re breathing shallowly

-you feel overwhelmed

 Some Tips

There is no quick fix for navigating infertility during the holidays, no quick tip list, and no single strategy that works for everyone. But I do truly believe what is listed below. And have used them myself. Check in with yourself and use what works for you.

 ·      Permit yourself to stay home. You don’t have to attend every gathering. Kindly send your regards and decline invitations.

·      Plan ahead for events. Try to learn more about the event so you can time your arrival and departure to limit triggers. Arrive right before the main event, or if you feel like you aren’t up for it, cancel or leave a gathering early if needed.

 ·      Spend time with people who ‘get it.’ Feeling heard by people who understand what you are going through can be helpful and reduce feelings of isolation.

 ·      Take a break from social media. Tailoring your algorithm to only cute animals is extremely difficult, so removing the apps from your phone might be a helpful strategy. You can also set a timer to view social media only for short periods during the day.

 ·      Schedule services and treatments that help you feel more grounded and relaxed. Some examples are facials, massages, and acupuncture.

 ·      Travel to the places you have been waiting to visit until you have kids. Don’t wait if you have been dreaming of visiting Australia. Do it! Schedule the trip and get good travel insurance.

·      Create your own meaningful holiday traditions or rituals. I recently read about an acquaintance who celebrates the winter solstice and yule for 12 days, which inspired me to think about what I would like to do for the holidays.

Truthfully, the holidays are a difficult time for many reasons. While this is not a comprehensive list, I hope you will find it helpful as you navigate your world during the holidays. Caring for yourself is a compassionate act of self-preservation. You don’t have to force yourself to match the ‘festive energy’ if you don’t want to.